Giving thanks ...

What a symbol of all that is right and good with the world: an amazing piece of homemade apple pie. Normally baked with love and out of the heart ( why else would you cut out leaves for the fall feeling?) and meant to be shared with those who partake in that love; a good piece of apple pie is completely worth peeling pounds of apples, sweating bullets in a hot kitchen, and then waiting ages for it to bake. More importantly however, all the work pales in comparison to the smiles and laughter shared by friends and family devouring said pie, and subsequently the filling of your heart and soul, as well as your tummy. So why, when not only did I have pie tonight (several kinds I may add) but also an amazing thanksgiving meal to fill me, am I feeling almost the opposite?

The answer lies in the realization that all that is right and good with the world can almost always be found in the hearts of those who are close to you. I give many thanks for my family and friends who surrounded me today, as well in the past. Yet, it is this appreciation of community which brought me to tears tonight. Just yesterday I started writing a post about how it hadn't hit me yet that I was leaving ... well guess what, in the midst of the warmth, touch, and sounds of my friends and family; it hit me. I'm leaving all of these hearts that I treasure to go where? Guatemala? A place of which I know very little, but assume is entirely different then either my life in Baltimore or DC. Without reservation I can say that I love where I am in life, both geographically and relationally. And not to mention, I'm taking away precious time from my life here to go to Costa Rica within the week and be gone till Christmas! What am I doing? Why am I leaving?

As one the most compelling poets sang: "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you. He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun. Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act (Psalm 37: 4-7)." I know that God put the original desire upon my heart to go and serve somewhere, anywhere, for Him. He listened as I poured out the desires of my cause, and as I tried to be patient and commit all to him, he acted, and the doors opened for this opportunity. I would not take joy in my life now, if I did not follow the desires of my heart to the fullest, and for now that means journeying to Guatemala. I could stay, and justifiably put more time and effort into the amazing communities which are blessing my life at this time. But there would be an emptiness within my heart which would be screaming over the potential lost opportunity and unfulfilled desire.

So all this to say: I am so thankful for all of you dear friends and family You are invaluable to my life. And so for now, I am trusting and praying that this next step is right and that I can be patient until the time comes to leave. And just maybe such deep and emotional thoughts constitute just one more piece of apple pie .... :)