A different perspective ...

Written 02/02/10

Sunday was emotional. While Saturday seemed to be wonderful, on Sunday all of my worries and fears built up and completely overcame me. The sermon in the morning was of course about holding on to our fear and how we allow it to take us captive. During church, it was all I could do to hold back the watershed of emotions that I could feel rushing to the surface. I tried to make a quick escape back to the house before the others. Made it, just to realize that I was locked out. One more little thing in the bucket and the tears poured whilst sitting on the back stoop, asking myself why I was here and why it seemed I could do nothing but despair.

Post cry, I spent the day in what seemed like peaceful contemplation. I talked very briefly with my house family, hoping to make some progress on the communication end. It seemed to work a bit. But that night, I could do nothing but dwell on how I still did not feel apart of the “family.” This caused a restless night, plagued with anxiety. The next morning was not much better. I awoke early at 6, thinking I could help with the kids. No, I was told, no need. So I stood there, fuming in my room, questioning my usefulness and fit with the house family. Suck it up Megan, get ready for your day. So I did, dressing and heading over to the clinic for the morning.

Providentially, I ran into one of the American board members on my way to the clinic. Jill, her mother, and her daugher were all visiting for the week. They were going to Antigua and to visit some Guatemalan friends nearby. Would I like to go? Heck yes!

Antigua, is a city set in antiquity amongst brightly colored stucco and a backdrop of volcanic peaks. It was refreshing and a chance for adventure. There are other smells and sounds other than the pungent cacophony of 16 toddlers? Por supesto! I bartered in Spanish, wandered on my own, and filled my camera’s memory card. Time alone, surrounded by crowds of people, and every minute avialble to soak up all that was new. Amazing.

Surprisingly however, the pinnacle of the day was after Antigua. We stopped at the home of Hugo (our driver for the day) and Hilma on our way back to the orphanage. As husband and wife, they had labored for 16 years at Casa Bernabe, loving it and pouring their hearts into the lives of many. But God has a brought a new chapter in to their lives. In their home, nestled in the mountains about 8 minutes from Antigua; they are starting a finishing school of sorts for girls who have turned 18 and would like some direction after the orphanage. The emphasis is to be with girls requiring special education and simply sharing their time, home, and hearts with them all. Somehow, they are going to find a space for me, as well, on my weekends off! Hilma and Hugo acknowledged that working with los ninos is wonderful, but tiring. Time off should be time away. They spoke to and for my heart, as well as validated some of my fears while at the same time encouraging me through them. For my heart, the 45 min visit was priceless. I gained a new perspective: one of peace and excitement for the opportunities had and to come.

I returned to my house with a smile and energy that I realize had been lacking for the past week. Maybe some of my despair was all in my head? No, I’m never irrational or stubborn … right? :) And as I reflect on my change of spirits I sit here with coffee in one hand and a bowl of sweet plantains on the other, a perfect way to start the day. God is good, as are His children, both young and old; and I can’t wait to meet more of them!

Ps. Tuesday day and today, post writing, have literally been filled to the brim. Between sick kids needing nursing attention throughout the compound, to actually being given the responsibility of watching all the toddlers for a few hours alone; I have been very preoccupied! I even walked the kids to school this morning. Felt like I was passing some test as I lead my two little rows of 8 into the school yard – I test I very much wanted to take and pass. I hope this high continues into tomorrow! Pictures from Antigua to come this weekend :)