The little things ...

I must admit, I am a bit uninspired today as I realize that it is the end of the week. There are multitude of thoughts swirling around in my head … but nothing eloquent has come out of them yet. Honestly, this may be because it has now been 2 weeks since my weekend off and my brain just needs a break. That being said however, there are plenty of times within the day that I do get to rest, especially in the AM at the clinic. Yet, when taking care of 16 kids is part of your daily life, as well as other tasks, the responsibility never quite seems to leave the back of one’s mind even when it is shared. So I’ll just take a moment to thank all mothers (and especially my own) who do this everyday of their lives and somehow survive through at least 18 years if not longer: thanks!

Life has been good however. And I do mean life. I think I am settling into realizing that this is my reality/life for now. While yes, many of you have seen me on skype or gchat this week, I am trying to limit that to the morning or after the kids are asleep … but I am starting to fill my time here even in my moments of rest. On Sunday I was able to head TGIF’s with some of the Americans and watch the superbowl, eat horribly greasy “American” food, and even walked around the attached mall. Another volunteer and I borrowed a car on Wednesday and ventured to Wal-Mart (Eperpais here) – such a treat to wander around for an hour while pushing a shopping cart. Ummm last night, I watched LOST! Ohhh, and dare I say it, but I believe this weekend I have plans?!?! At some point this evening I’ll be hitching a ride with one of the board members to Antigua, to spend the weekend with the family I had mentioned in an earlier post. I am praying this opportunity is realized: it would be wonderful to leave and have time and space to think and enjoy another family and setting. In that vain, I am going to leave my computer here in an attempt to rid myself of some of many distractions. I want to be filled with peace and contemplation, as well as the chatter and interest of a new family (one which does not simply involve toddlers).

Encouragement has also come in the form of business for the week. It seems that everyday there is a bit more understanding and communication between my house family and I, as well as added responsibilities and usefulness for the kids and house. On the nursing side I think I may be finished recording, defining, organizing, and stocking our over 140 meds that we have for use on the orphanage. There were about 10 boxes of donated meds, all with names and such in Spanish, which I also was able to go through. It only required googling various websites or tuming through about 5 books to figure out what they all do … just hope google is right (as is my Spanish translation)! Thankfully whatever virus hit last week seems to be dissipating. This week I’ve just been giving a lot of vitamin shots prescribed by doctors for “nerves” and seen the occasional headache here and there.

Even with the encouragment of the week, Monday was a little hard. It seems as though my emotions here ride up and down on some rollercoaster which often crashes headfirst through a waterfall of tears. I had spent the whole weekend with only Anna Louisa and the kids, and well, our communication was not great. The whole weekend I felt like an extra body in the room. This culminated in a very short, but what I felt was a heated exchange Monday night before she apparently reclaimed the bed in “our” room, as well as the 2 little ones who are sleeping with us as well. I was fuming. But I bit my tongue and simply went outside, let out some frustration (aka I cried), and sucked it up till the morning. Amazing how things can seem even just a little brighter and clearer in the morning. I took the opportunity to speak with Andrea (the other sister) about the frustrations of the past weekend/week. Andrea encouraged me through them and even apologized for her sister’s coldness as of late. Since then, things have greatly improved. Anna Louisa and I have even had some friendly banter and exchanged a smile or two. For now however, the week seems behind me. And ohh do I look forward to the weekend …

For those who feel lead, would you join me in prayer this weekend? I know that most are snowed in anyway, there cannot be too much left to do after a week of claustrophobic house time. Just some of my thoughts at the moment … Why am I here? What does investing myself in a new culture and place mean/look like? How can I make sure that I am learning everyday? How can I best separate myself from the world at home and yet still stay connected in a healthy way? What is the best way in which to invest in these little lives and be a learning and spiritual encouragment for them? And the weightiest thing on my mind: how long will it take for me to feel that my need for removing myself from my “life” is fulfilled … will it ever be and what the crap does that even mean? On a spectrum of hard service work and giving of myself, where does this experience stand and does it have to include living in abject poverty to make it “worthwhile?”

All these questions aside, there are glimpses of beauty and truth here that I cannot overlook. Such as today when, during the entire orphanage’s Friday afternoon prayer time, I glanced at Noami. I saw her lips moving in prayer with the others and her head sincerely bowed in reverance. A glimpse of her little faith in a much larger world. Or yesterday when Arron came up to me and put his hands on my face and said “que bonita.” It’s the little things … and thankfully I have at least 16 little things to remind of God’s beauty and work in this world .

As I said, my pen (or keyboard) has not been moved to prose today. However, after the weekend, I hope to have thoroughly searched these thoughts, maybe giving them a bit more shape and substance. But of course, as I have often learned, answers rarely come in my own time. So don’t expect too much from the next post : )

I’m posting some pics of “life” here … hope you enjoy!

And … for some fun on your snowy weekend, here are some links to places I hope to travel to in the near future: all right here in Guatemala and breathtakingly beautiful. Just something to keep in mind in case you have the first week of April free and want to join me to take some pics of your own! Or just like daydreaming about such cool things ...

Lake Atitlan
Mayan Ruins
Some dude on Volcano Pacaya - don't know who this is, but I want a pic like that!