Hello friends, family, and well whoever may be reading this … It’s been a bit of time since I’ve written anything, but I’ll attempt to catch you all up on life here at Casa Bernabe.
My last post was rather heavy – it aptly reflected my heart at the moment. Since then my spirit has quieted down a bit. God has brought me to the peaceful realization that I need not know the answers right now. There are days where a future here seems so clear and then times when the idea seems ridiculous. However, for now, I am content to simply look ahead to coming home for a time. Whether that means staying in the states or returning here, is not important at the moment. What is important is that I am daily willing to listen to whatever calling is placed upon my heart and follow God’s voice – if only that was as easy as it sounds!
As my heart has quieted down over my own issues, I have been blessed with the opportunity to take care of some of the challenging health and emotional issues which have presented themselves in the lives of some of the children here. I believe that I shared in an older post about some of the physical and sexual abuse which a lot of the kids here have in their history. In the last 2 weeks we received 3 more girls who carry a lot of baggage with them as well – the saddest part is, none of them are even 12 years old. As I sat with the girls during their gynecology exams, I was horrified as I listened to their stories of abuse and saw the physical manifestations of the consequences of such horrors. On the one hand I felt assured, in that I had been prepared through my previous nursing experiences to handle such things. I’ve seen many gyno exams, given several courses of STD drugs, and I’ve heard some sad stories. But, none of that can prepare you for the emotional response that is extracted when a child for whom you are actively caring has so many physical and emotional scars – well and when you have to listen to them recount their whole history to the Dr. In this last week I have seen everything from purulent discharge, to a healthy baby swimming around during a sonogram. I witnessed the glazed over look of fear on these girls faces as questions were asked and exams performed. At times, we want to ask, where is God through all of this? All I can answer is that He is here, and he is yet providing for these children. I pray for justice for the family members who looked the other way or participated in such sins … but also, I need to pray that just as my heart has been redeemed that redemption and grace can be found in their lives as well – even if that still means I fully believe there some men running around Guatemala who just need to be castrated for public good. I believe that with the girls who have recently come here, and for those who have been here for years, Casa Bernabe serves as a place for redemption and restoration of their souls. I have heard testimony of this from the kids, and it is this hope which allows me to overcome the initial shock from such horrors. For now, we are just taking everything one day at a time; and with each step a prayer that the next one falls in a place of grace and mercy.
This lesson I learned at the end of the week when every emotion and spiritual assault felt like it was going to overwhelm me. I was exhausted, physically tired, emotionally drained, and still reeling over what these girls have experienced in their short, little lives. But holding it all in does nothing of good for me or them. Thankfully, I was blessed to have time to talk to our social worker here who already knows all of the stories and histories. I sobbed and prayed with her over the work that still needs to be done and for the lives of these girls. In community there is strength and thankfully, that strength is here.
As always, when you live in a family there are the ups and downs. As I have become accustomed to living within this family, I am now not so overwhelmed that I miss the finer parts of life here. Such as walking up to the kitchen only to see/hear one of the kids from Casa Samuel (which houses 5-8 year olds) screaming at the top of her lungs outside: “Yo quiero almuerzo, yo quiero!” I’m pretty sure that in the first week here, this would have thrown me a bit; seeming a bit barbaric that the girl was put outside to just scream. But well, after 4 months here, I just had to laugh. I did that yesterday with one of our kids too. Because well, sometimes they just won’t listen and punishments and consequences here are limited. The familiarity is more than this, however. Last night was the reunion de las mujeres, where we have a time of worship and a message, and of course a snack. During the snack I picked up on the fact that one of the women was being teased about a “love interest,” which was really nothing, but I knew of whom they were speaking and totally got the inside joke – that feels good. And while some of the communication started out a bit rocky in my house, I can honestly say that we are all to the point of friendship and comradely. We work, play, and live together – we even had a quasi-bbq on Saturday. Even though we still had the kids, it was so wonderful to cook and eat together, sharing the better part of the day just enjoy each other’s company. Ohh, and I’m sharing clothes with the girls of the house – big step there, for sure!
It is now Friday, and I am eagerly looking forward to the weekend. As usual, I am still unsure of what my plans are even 5 hours before I may be leaving for wherever – but that’s ok, it always works out somehow! We are now in May (crazy!), and I have a feeling that May is going to fly by. Then come June, I have a friend who will be visiting the first week to do some traveling and maybe a mini-audiology clinic with the kids (thanks in advance for coming Claire!). After that, I will have about 2 weeks here during which I hope to finish up the Health History project I started and then head off on a youth retreat with the girls. I’m really looking forward to this – we’re talking about sex, should be fun with a group of adolescent girls, right? But, as I have been here, I have come to really respect these girls and be excepted/respected by them; hence, I am so excited for the opportunity to be there and possibly share my testimony with them all. Ohhhh, and just to clue you all in, I do believe that I will be heading back to the states somewhere in the last week of June – there is no way that I’m missing crabs and the 4th! So, that means I have about 2 months left here and then coming home to very possibly just hang out with you all for the summer – who needs to work after a 6 month sabbatical anyway? However, as I am nearing the home stretch I would ask for prayer that the rest of my time here is used well. While I want to come home, it will be extremely hard to leave. I can unabashedly say I love this place and every day there is a new facet to life here that feels more comfortable and calming then before. Thank you to all who have prayed for me and for the kids here. Please continue to do so in the months to come and hopefully I will soon be able to thank you all in person! Love you all,
Megan
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